Hair Slicing Under A Strawberry Moon
accidentally writing about death again
Up until yesterday, I’ve been growing long, well-past-titty-length hair since about 2019.
Hair really holds stuff.
There’s Sampson from the Bible who I know next to nothing about except his whole ‘strength lives up in the hair’ bit.
There’s the Tibetan monks Lucy told me about who put their hair on a mountain top because they know how sacred it is, and they don’t just let it get swept up into the trash bin at the salon.
I covet things that come off and from my body. I’m a freak like that.
How bout that time in 2021 I saved and sun-dried special fabric I had bleed into on my moon cycle and then made a Rorschach looking womb tapestry from the pieces, and really contemplated my fertility and mortality in the process.
Yesterday I cut however many inches there are between the middle of my ribcage to the nape of my neck worth of hair.
I told my stylist I wanted to make the initial cut, and then sat in the chair holding the long tail of myself in my lap through the rest of the cut.
I remember Hez once telling me (I think I should start a ‘things Hez said’ section of this newsletter since I’m forever referencing bits from our back porch conversations) that the root and etymology of the word decide is “to cut off” : de "off" + caedere "to cut". When you make a decision you are cutting something. Cutting off the other options, cutting a new path through the woods into uncharted terrain…
I’ve had the feverish jolt of inspiration to cut off my hair in a big ole way for a few weeks. It has felt very correct, and yet the four or five days prior felt like I was preparing myself for a funeral.
Not for the loss of ‘the looq’ or the identity I associate with having long hair, but as an acknowledgment and letting go of all the experiences I’ve weathered since 2019 — some of the most tumultuous, terrifying, ecstatic and rocket-fuel-powerhouse years I’ve known. Perhaps you can relate.
To have a ritual act in which I can both reflect and honor and release all of it, the painful and the revelatory, is a huge hard gift.
I did not, however, feel a sense of sweet relief following the cut. And I didn’t think I would necessarily, but the degree of felt loss and bewilderment in the wake of something I wanted, something I signed up for wholeheartedly, is really noteworthy to me. I am a plant that has just been aggressively pruned, and am now experiencing the hardening off process we used to talk about a lot back in my landscaping days.
I gets to be both, it gets to feel terrible and also the thing I wanted. The haircut is the container that allows me to process much bigger losses, releases, and shedding, and its mystery gets to do its work on me in ways I can’t fully understand.
Anything can be a ritual for grief tending.
Anything can bring us back to the dance we are doing with our sacred mortality.
Anything can be the reminder that we are moving through the revolving door of living and dying over and over in every moment and that WE GET TO.
It gets to be us, it gets to be this.
It gets to bloom and grow, it gets to end, it gets to go limp on the salon floor, it gets to hurt, it gets to be raw, it gets to grow again.
This was not intended to be a marketing email lol but don’t mind me as I EVER SO EFFORTLESSY segway us into the reminder that tomorrow is the last day to sign up for Into the Velvet Black at the Bottom of Everything, the grief + creative practice workshop where we hang out with the messy transitions, the chaotic changes, and belly twisting losses we may find ourselves in right now.
We’re making up the grief rituals and ecstatic funerals we need for little and large deaths we’re living through!
We are cosplaying as the artist-healers we wish to see in the world!
We start this Sunday, under the full and ripe Strawberry Moon. The romance! I can’t!
Doors close at 5pm eastern time tomorrow!
Maybe we’ll see you there.
I recently sat down with internet pal and small-biz mentor Amelia Hruby to record a podcast interview about that one time “I pulled a Beyonce” and unfollowed everyone on Instagram as an attention reset.
Jack calls it a digital cleanse.
More cutting off! More de-ciding!
The convo went some pretty interesting directions and if you are someone who thinks about how much of your life gets spent watching other people live their lives, this episode may very well pique your interest!
Listen HERE
Sending big hugs til next week,
xoM
Was something in here a little jolt to the heart that made you pause and go mmm yes THAT!… If so, consider passing this email along to someone you think would vibe with it too. I wanna meet em, I wanna know em!
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Mmmmmm love a good chop! Thanks for coming on the pod 🩵